Do most women REALLY love themselves? Do you?
Most women don't really love themselves enough.
It's a hard truth to hear. But I believe it with all of my being, and it saddens me.
Recently when chatting with a friend, we calculated that I've performed somewhere between 10,000 and 14,000 skincare treatments over the course of my career as a Licensed Aesthetician and Professional Makeup Artist. (Holy Moly! That's a lot!)
I'd say that SO many interactions with others (especially in away that leaves many feeling quite vulnerable, yet open to share their concerns/worries/fears/hopes/dreams with someone like me) has given me some very valuable insights into the female psyche that not too many are privy to.
What I've learned is this:
1) We women are way to hard on ourselves.
2) We women tend to stuff our insecurities way deep down in an attempt to hide them from the world. Yet it's often only a matter of time before they manifest in some way, shape, or form.
3) We women often let ourselves get completely run over in life. Sometimes by other people's wishes, needs, and desires. Sometimes by our own to-do lists. Usually it's a combination of both. Typically feeling like being a "good" woman, friend, girlfriend, wife, mother, boss, employee comes with some form of putting ourselves last and there's no doubt that this mindset is taking its toll on woman-kind.
4) Women in general tend to pick on themselves WAY too much. Mentally, through the use of negative self-talk and internal criticism, as well as physically - for those that pick, poke, and prod at their skin in hopes of achieving perfection.
Guess what all this lack of self-love tends to get us.
More lack of self love!
More lack of self love, means more exhaustion, more diminishing of what lights us up in life, more internal struggles with self esteem, and more of a sense of feeling pretty lousy most days.
It's almost as if the putting ourselves last, the prioritizing other's needs over our own, and the little voices inside our heads that say, "we're not good enough," in some way all add fuel to the flames of self neglect. A viscous cycle ensues.
Now, you may be thinking, "This can't be me! I take care of my hair, my nails, my skin. I get massages, I go to yoga, I meditate. I soak in the tub and try to make time to read."
If this is the case, that's great. But this type of self-care isn't quite the self love I mean today.
The kind of self love I wish society placed more value on goes much deeper than that.
I wish more women would catch themselves the moment they started criticizing themselves in their head, and immediately thought of 3 things that they appreciated about themselves as a way to retrain their brain how to think.
That would be more self love.
I wish more women would see their uniqueness as just that, rather than flaws. Stretch marks happen. Spider veins do too. This doesn't make you less of a beautiful being. Breakouts are often a barometer of internal imbalance, yet the deep shame and embarrassment they cause can be debilitating to some. I know, this was my struggle too, at one point.
I wish more women saw their greatness, rather than fixating themselves on the things they think make them gross.
That would be more self love.
I wish more women would start saying "Yes" less, and "No" a whole lot more. Our ability to multi-task and our often innate desire to "people please" is quite a combination for getting us in the predicament of being overcommitted, under supported, and completely overwhelmed.
By saying "No" to others more often, we free up the time and space to say "Yes" to our own wishes and desires a whole lot more.
That would be more self love.
I wish more women would make the nourishment of their bodies a priority. Many share with me just how much they find themselves skipping breakfast in order to dive right into their inbox for the day, or working straight through lunch in order to help someone else reach a deadline. Then they become ravenous and end up shoveling whatever (often not so healthy) foods they can get their hands on late into the evening.
We know that we can't drive our cars without the proper fuel, yet so many of us try to force our bodies to.
I wish more women valued their bodies, minds, cells, moods, and every ounce of their being enough to remember that fueling with healthful foods throughout the day isn't a luxury, it's a necessity and we should treat it as such.
That would be more self love.
I wish more women would stop thinking they don't have time to drink more water (or have the time to take pee breaks all day from drinking said water.) Next to self criticism, this is one of the #1 ways I see women dishonor their bodies each day. It's a problem, a really big problem. Water is essential for life, yet somewhere along the line woman (actually, most people) got the notion that it wasn't convenient, and they stopped making it a priority. The signs of dehydration are rampant... acne, accelerated aging, headaches, migraines, bloating, fatigue, trouble staying fit, confusion, exhaustion, just to name a few.
I wish more women would stop prioritizing meetings, errands, and marathon productivity days over basic self care and stopped neglecting this basic human need for hydration.
If more women remembered that a hydrated body, is a properly functioning body (and in turn a healthier, happier body), I just know they'd start feeling better. So much better.
That would be more self love.
I wish more women wouldn't fill their proverbial plates so full. It seems that all of the busy-ness we allow ourselves to be controlled by has us working late into the evening, waking panicky in the middle of the night, and really missing out on restful sleep. I know it's hard, especially for moms, but I wish more women valued deep, restful, restorative sleep as much as they valued checking to-do's off the list.
That would be more self love.
I wished more women connected to and moved their bodies each day as a form of self respect rather than self hatred. As a way to get the blood pumping to their brains, assist the detoxification process, and help them just plain feel good, rather than a punishment for not being the perfect size.
That would be more self love.
I wish more women would stop being so darn hard on themselves. I know you've witnessed it. You likely do it. Enough is enough. It needs to stop. Period.
That would be more self love.
My wish for you, and every beautiful soul out there, is that you find a way to look for the good - in yourself, in your life, in those that you've chosen to surround yourself with.
I hope that each day you find a way to see yourself with a healthier view, valuing your kind spirit, and all of the plentiful gifts you bring to this world simply by being you.
My dream is that you remember that in order to shine your light bright into this world, you must take care of yourself. Not just with mani/pedis and the occasionally lady date with your girlfriends. But day in, day out, do what you know deep down you need to do to keep your body and your mind healthy and happy.
Your future is bright. But you have to believe it.
To get there in one piece and truly enjoy the journey along the way, you must not forget just how much you matter and that self love is not selfish, it's the first essential step in taking care of yourself in a way that is truly meaningful.
Without intentional self love, it's easy to slip into the habit of neglecting our basic human needs on every level (physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually), and when we get in a rut of letting go of these basic necessities of life, we lose a bit of our spark.
Our inner joy is damped. Our true radiance is dimmed. Our vibrant enthusiasm for life starts to wane, and we're not quite as lovely as we'd like to be (for ourself or other).
You have so much to give. Your life so far has proven that.
Now is the time to give to yourself. Without guilt. Without shame. Without all of the worry.
Because you deserve it!
Do you know you need to start taking better care of yourself & love yourself more, but aren't quite sure where to start?
Feel free to share this with your loved ones that may need a gentle reminder that they matter and that's time to stop putting themselves on the back burner.
If you try any of the suggestions I shared in this article, I'd love to hear how they work for you. Feel free to send me a message at hello@breannathomas.com to let me know how you do, or if you need help with accountability as you work towards remember to love yourself more.
Know that I don't share this as a way of pointing fingers or making anyone feel bad about the way they've been living their life. I'm just as guilty as any women at neglecting these things sometimes. While I work hard to remember to focus on these things, I have to regularly remind myself so as not to slip back into my "old ways". There have been times I got 8 hours of sleep in a week (rather than a night), would enjoy giving to others more than myself so much that my over-doing, over-being, over-functioning nearly cost me my health and my sanity.
If you're feeling a bit out of balance, or like you've fallen off the self-love train, know you're not alone. I've been there, and many others have too!
It's only been thru the recognizing of the ridiculousness of it all and the near ruining of our lives that we realized that it was time to change - and those changes brought so much more peace and joy in life.
These tips have been super helpful to me and those that I work with in my skin care practice, and I truly hope they benefit you too.
In the meantime, be well & remember...
You matter and you are loved!
Xo's,
Licensed Aesthetician
Professional Makeup Artist
Brow Design Expert
Health & Happiness Encourager for Busy Women in Business
Creator of the remarkably effective skincare & makeup lines, Breanna Thomas HEALTHY SKIN AND BEAUTY and MANifest Men's Care
Owner of the boutique skincare clinic, Healthy Skin AZ
Founder of the BEAUTIFULLY BRAVE SOCIETY (coming soon)
p.s. Want to learn more about who I am, what I do, and how I may be able to help you? Click HERE.
Images by: Dream Photography Studio
All Makeup is from my Breanna Thomas HEALTHY SKIN AND BEAUTY LINE:
Skin Prep: 3 Pumps Liquid Hydration on face, neck, and lips
Moisturizer: Restorative Hydration Cream
Under Eye Cream: Dark Circle Corrector Cream
Foundation Primer: Skin Smoothing Mineral Protection SPF 40 (1 pump tinted mixed with 1 pump untinted)
Liquid Mineral Foundation: 3 pumps Fair
Natural Mineral Concealer: Shades #2 & #3
Pressed Mineral Foundation: Shades #1 (to highlight), #3 (to mattify) & #9 (to subtly contour), applied with Fabulous Foundation Brush
Pressed Mineral Blush: Petal, applied with Fabulous Foundation Brush
Eye Shadow: Luminous (and Petal blush used on cheeks)
Eyeliner: Subtle liner was Beautiful Brow Powder in shade #4/dark brown, applied with Angled Eyeliner/Brow Brush
Beautiful Brow Powder: in shade #2/light to medium brown, applied with Angled Eyeliner/Brow Brush
Setting Spray: Mineral Mist
Luscious Lipgloss: in the shade "Stacey"